“Forward momentum is great. But we also need sideways momentum. For instance, I just sat down and ate a pear. I have no idea what the future holds but I am very grateful that I am alive and able to sit on a sofa and eat a pear.” (Matt Haig, The Comfort Book)
And I am very grateful that I found your books, my friend in spirit. I love sideways momentum, and I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to, I’m not especially grateful that I am alive at the moment, and I am grateful for not thinking this should be otherwise. Grey is also a beautiful color, someone said to me recently. He’s right, and I want the more colorful colors back. (I like to imagine that I’m temporarily out of order for maintenance, and a fresh paint is what they do at the end of the repair.) I don’t know what the future holds either, but I hope that I literally fall in love again, that lightheartedness and joy and awe come to the forefront again. Here I am, dearly at your disposal, my beloveds, whenever it pleases you. I need you like the air to breathe. (Longing and neediness are also beautiful feelings. And I’ve found them to be incredibly sweet and harmless when I feel like a baby: It’s totally vulnerable and needy but naturally surrendered, without the idea that its needs might not be fulfilled or that it needs to struggle or compromise for it. I feel it’s the same for adult babies if we don’t believe and act otherwise, and still then ...) And I hope that I will be able to sincerely enjoy just sitting there and eating a pear again. Which reminds me of a painting, which leads me to going to the shelf and take out a booklet about still lifes called Die Magie der Dinge. There we go ...